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What is Your Dream for Singleness?

Dear Single Woman,

If marriage never comes, what is your dream for singleness?

Surrendering my life and dreams to God meant realizing that His plan for me might not include marriage. And this prompted me to consider, “What will my life look like if marriage never comes?” It stirred me to ask some probing questions:

When I stand before God someday and give an account of my life, will I be able to say that I used the gift of singleness He gave me, for Him?

If someday I am an 80 year old lady who never married, will I be able to look back with joy over those eighty years because I "attended upon Him without distraction?" Will I have satisfaction knowing that I served Him in ways I never could have if I had gotten married?

If God gives me the gift of singleness for all the rest of my days, what fruit will I have to show for it in the end?

If I can’t have my preferred dream of being a wife and a mother, how will I craft an equally inspiring, meaningful and exciting dream for my life as a single woman?

Single sister, I believe it's important to have two dreams for your life. Have two “Plan A’s.” (I am using the word “plan” loosely because we know that God’s ways are not our ways. But I’m sure you understand what I mean.) All of us have aspirations for our lives, and the freedom to pursue them within the bounds of scripture. So, have an aspiration not only to get married if that’s your desire, but also an aspiration to be an abundantly fruitful single woman if that’s what God has for you. Have a plan for how you will use your single life to enjoy God and His gifts to the fullest.

My Plan A was to marry a man who had a vision for his life that I could get behind, and support him in accomplishing it. If marriage wasn’t God’s will for me, my other Plan A was to have a job where I could support myself from anywhere, and be a missionary ministering to young women in other parts of the world. I worked and prayed towards both plans simultaneously, holding everything with open hands and ultimately desiring God’s perfect will above all.

I went to school for nutritional therapy, a career in which I could accept clients from anywhere and work with them over the internet. I took several extended missions trips to the country that had my heart, building friendships and relationships there. I prayed for God to open the doors to move there if that was His will. And at the same time, I prioritized meeting good guys and I asked God to cross my path with a godly man to marry. I set aside money and used vacation time from work to fly to conferences where I knew there were likeminded people. I prayed over both desires of my heart, and constantly asked God for His best for me, whether that looked how I wanted it to or not.

I encourage you to get a vision for your singleness from the perspective of eternity. When you stand before Christ, what will you wish you had done with your single life? I also encourage you to get a dream for your singleness that excites you. Just because marriage is your preferred plan doesn’t mean that a different plan has to be boring, sad, lonely or unfulfilling. Like anything in life, it is what you make it. Ask the Lord what you could do with singleness to serve Him. Ask Him what adventure He could take you on. Ask Him to give you a vision for an abundant single life. And then....pursue both!

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