What if your gift of singleness isn't for you, but for someone else?

(written when I had the gift of singleness)

We sat in Jason's Civil War era kitchen and tried to soak in the wisdom he was sharing.

This line hit me like a ton of bricks:

"Here's something no one talks about...Marriage is not primarily about you or for you. It is primarily for God."

I knew it was true, but it was so easy to forget. So often we think of gifts in terms of what they can do for us. And that's why many despise being single, and why many married people end up very unhappy and dissatisfied in their marriages. We're all worried about what's in it for us."How will this gift benefit me?" How will it add pleasure and happiness to my life?"

If we think of singleness in this way, we may not always be satisfied with the answers... even though the gift of singleness does benefit us and can be a source of happiness in our lives. But what if our gift of singleness isn't for us?

And if you're saying, "But I have a strong desire to be married, that means I don't have the gift of singleness!" Please consider a different definition of "the gift of singleness." The gift of singleness is not a magical, super-spiritual "gifting" that is poured on a select few people, in which you just don't have any desire for marriage or sex. If this were the case, everyone who is unmarried would have the right to be bitter at God for giving them something they have no "gifting" to handle. The gift of singleness is simply a state- a way of living life, a path of sanctification. If you're single, then you have the gift of singleness.

What if God gave singleness to us as a gift for someone else? The Father gave Jesus a cross - something that caused Him unfathomable grief, but provided us with an unfathomable gift of eternal life. What if God gave us a gift disguised as a cross: something that may cause us moments of grief, but will be a fountain of blessing to those around us.

What if our gift is a cross that we must bear, but one that God wants to use to be a wonderful blessing to the lives of others? And what if it's only in taking up our cross, in accepting it, in laying down our lives for it, that we can experience our cross as a blessing in our own lives as well?

In the gift of singleness, God wraps up and presents to you two precious things: 1) the ability to have an un-distracted walk with Him. 2) The opportunity to serve Him in ways that only the single can. While certain things that didn't come wrapped in your gift of singleness may at times feel like a cross to bear, never forget the blessings you've been given, and that God wants you to use them to bless someone else.

As an unmarried woman, I've been able to use my singleness in amazing ways to serve the Lord - ways that I would not be able to if I had a husband or children to prioritize. God has given me the time flexibility and freedom to spend a lot of time studying His Word, preparing lessons, hosting a bible study for high school girls, counseling and crying with them and pointing them to Jesus. I've been able to lead children's Bible clubs in the public schools, serve at my church, and travel the world on missions trips. Truly it has been a gift that has blessed me abundantly, but also that God has used to bless and impact the lives of others. Sister, are you using your gift in such a way?

The Bible says that Jesus took up His cross "for the joy set before Him." There is joy on the other side of picking up your cross. There is joy on the other side of accepting your gift. There is joy on the other side of using what you've been given to bless others.

The abundant life is not the life in which we get everything we want, on our own terms, on our own timeline. The abundant life is the crucified life. "And He said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." Luke 9:23

What about you? Does your gift ever feel like a cross? have you ever thought about the fact that it might be for someone else's benefit, not just yours? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. Struggling to see your singleness as a gift? My course will show you how to actually ENJOY it! Get the course.