God, is he "the one?" Discerning God's Voice from Your Emotions

If you’re going to ask God for a sign about someone, be ready for the answer and keep your heart open to whatever He says, even if it’s not what you hoped for.

Please enjoy this guest post from Wilmary Betancourt. Connect with her on Instagram @wilmarygbet

In the past, I was the kind of girl who used to fantasize about finding the love of her life, with the perfect story of how we met, the signs that showed we were meant for each other, and how we would live happily ever after.

Let me share a bit of my story. A few years ago, I met a guy and I fell in love like I never had before. He slowly started making space in my life, the daily conversations, the sweet words, all under the label of "friends." But anyone who looked at us from the outside could see that he treated me like much more than a friend, and that I was completely in love with him. The issue was that since there was no sign at all that we were anything more than friends, I had to patiently wait for him to make a move (I’m not the type who takes the first step, and personally I believe the man should be the one to do that). And he, who just like everyone else could clearly see that I had feelings for him, never set the necessary boundaries to avoid giving me false hope or damaging the friendship. And yes, I should’ve set boundaries myself, but at that point I was already a prisoner of my emotions, fully surrendered to what my heart wanted. Big mistake.

To make the story short, I started asking God for signs to confirm whether this person was meant for me or not. And one Sunday, right before the service started, the Lord led me to read the book of Song of Solomon (which, if you’ve read it, you know it’s not very long), and there was a verse that kept repeating throughout several chapters: "Do not awaken love until it so desires."

That should have been the perfect sign from God to help me see I wasn’t supposed to move forward. But in my flesh, blinded by the love I felt and with my mind clouded, I convinced myself that God was asking me to wait for him, when in reality, He was warning me not to feed feelings prematurely, because it wasn’t God’s time for me to fall in love, and clearly he was not the man God wanted for my life. Eventually, this guy broke my heart like no one ever had before. I didn’t see the inconsistencies in him. I didn’t notice how, despite being a Christian, he wasn’t consistent with his behavior nor transparent about what he wanted from me. He could know a lot about the Bible, but his behavior didn’t reflect a Christlike character. He crossed my boundaries and I allowed it out of fear of losing him, all while compromising my relationship with God just to hold onto something that was actually damaging my heart.

If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’ve asked God for signs to know if the person you’re interested in is part of the Lord’s will for your life. As you can see, I did the same, but my heart wasn’t trained to hear God’s voice as clearly as I could hear my own emotions. God gave me clear signs that it wasn’t His will, and with my vision clouded by feelings, I saw what I wanted to see. Because when we’re already emotionally involved, we idealize the person we want, and it becomes really hard to separate the idea we created of this “perfect” person from the reality that we might be facing someone who could end up hurting us.

It’s true that God used extraordinary signs in many Bible stories, but that doesn’t mean that’s how He usually speaks to us today, because we already have His full revelation in Scripture. But since we grew up watching Disney movies where the signs of love are obvious, we often expect the same for ourselves, or we hope an angel will show up and tell us “he’s the one.” But God’s Word is clear, and it’s our main guide. Anything that doesn’t align with the truth is not part of His will for us.

What does God’s will look like in a person?

Their values align with the Word.

Their life bears fruit, not just in appearance, but consistent fruit.

They guard your heart and your purity.

They are consistent in both words and actions.

They are clear about their intentions, not passive, but intentional in showing interest.

They respect your boundaries.

If we want to guard our heart and walk in God’s will, we need to learn to recognize His voice. We need to know when it’s truly Him speaking and when it’s just our emotions. Spending time in Scripture and in prayer makes us more sensitive to His voice, and when we find someone taking up space in our mind, we’ll be able to discern if that person is consistent in what they say and do, and most importantly, if they reflect what the Word says a godly man should be. We must go to God first before giving away our heart, because what happened to me could happen to you, misinterpreting the signs God used to protect us, and then even ending up feeling resentment toward the Lord when He was clear from the beginning and only wanted to guard our heart.

He doesn’t want us to go through pain that could’ve been avoided simply because we didn’t know how to listen to His voice. Let’s ask God for wisdom, because even though many people may seem to have good intentions, that’s not always the case. We shouldn’t let just anyone into our heart, because not only can they hurt us, they can also interfere with God’s purpose for our lives or weaken our relationship with Him, and that is what matters most.

-Wilmary