If you desire marriage, why aren't you praying about it more?

My single friends and I talk a lot about the experiences they're having in the dating scene these days. One person described dating as "getting slapped in the face over and over." And yikes, I'm afraid it's a not far from the truth! As I hear story after disappointing story, I find myself at a loss for words or advice, and asking the Lord what I could possibly say or what could possibly help the situation. As they explain the latest horrors of trying to find a godly man, I find myself praying,"Lord we need you! These ladies need You to intervene and bring them a godly man! God we need you to revive men in this generation!"

And then, I ask them a question. How often are you praying for God to bring you a godly husband? And the response is usually just as dismal as the reports they have about the men on dating apps:

"Honestly... not as much as I should be."

"I end up scrolling the apps or social media for hours and barely spend anytime praying about my desire for marriage."

"I really want to meet a good guy and get married, but I struggle to know how to pray for that - it feels like I’m just repeating the same things over and over. Days and weeks will go by and I haven’t spent much time in dedicated prayer about it."

If this sounds like you, may this blog post be the prodding you need to turn off the screen and get in the prayer closet. Sister, if you want to be married, you should be praying fervently about it. Scripture says the “effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16)  God wants us to bring our requests to Him (Phil. 4:6), and He invites us to pour out our hearts to Him (Psalm 62:8). Sometimes I wonder if more people would be getting married if they carved out more hours of prayer to fervently cry out to God for that desire. Are you pounding on heaven’s door every day or just giving it a soft knock every once in a while?

If you want to get married one day, one of the best things you can do is spend dedicated time each day praying for it. Not just because God wants you to bring your requests to Him, but also because as you pray for what you desire, God is going to make you more ready for what He has for you. If marriage is what He has for you, it's in the place of fervent prayer that He’ll prepare you to be a godly wife. If singleness is what He has for you, it's in the place of fervent prayer that He’ll prepare you to accept that calling and serve Him in that way. If His desire for you is simply that you surrender to His will for you today and trust Him with your future, it's in the place of fervent prayer that He will bring your heart to that place of rest.

I think sometimes ladies don't prioritize praying for marriage because they know marriage isn't promised. But just because marriage isn’t promised doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pray fervently for God to give you that desire of your heart. The fact that marriage is not a guarantee is actually an invitation from the Lord to bring your desires and requests to Him. Every unknown in our lives, every unanswered question, is a path straight to the heart of God, if we will let it be. 

Praying for the things we desire can sometimes feel like working out - we put in the reps, bring the requests to Him, move on with our day, and hope that eventually our repetition will result in the gains we’re looking for. Like putting the coins in the slot and expecting a candy to fall out, we put our prayers in and hope that the Lord will drop a relationship in our laps. But prayer isn’t meant to be used this way. Prayer is a two-way conversation that transforms you as you wait for answers. It’s a place not just to recite a list of wants but to come to the heart of God and lay desires at His feet, and as you do so, to be transformed - to let Him shape you more and more into the image of His Son. 

You should pray over your longing for marriage, not because more prayers might equal more of a chance of you getting married. You should pray over your longing for marriage because God wants to use that longing, and your time in His presence, to draw you closer to Himself. To show you His purpose in His timing and ways. To make you more like Christ. To bring you to the place of joyful surrender. To guide you and direct you into His best for you. You’re asking God for a gift, and God will use your prayers to give you the ultimate gift: more of Himself. 

How should you pray? Here's a few ideas:

• Pray that God will make you into the woman that He wants you to be, the woman a godly man is looking for.

• Pray for God's help in areas where you know you fall short.

• Pray that God would revive young men.

• Pray that America would outlaw porn.

• Pray that God will bring you a godly husband.

• Pray that if there's something hindering you from attracting a good guy, God will reveal that to you and help you fix it.

• Pray for wisdom about how to meet good men.

As you pray, listen. Ask questions. Wait in the silence and see if He says something. God can speak to your heart about whether you will get married or not. He can give you clarity about the guy you’re interested in. He can show you how to use your singleness. He can tell you if you need to be more outgoing, try a different route to meet somebody, or whether you need to take a break from dating for a while. He can nudge your heart to leave the job you hate and find one that is full of meaning and purpose. Now, He might not speak to you about any of those things. But one thing is for sure: He will give you what you need in the place of fervent prayer. If you need an answer, He will provide one. If you need help surrendering or trusting Him, He will help you.

If you haven't already, pick a place to be your war room. Make prayer the most important part of your day, a sacred time that you never miss no matter what. Start pouring out your heart to the One who loves you and wants to help you. And watch what the Lord starts to do in your life.

P.S. Did you know that my devotional is a 60-day journey of prayer for marriage? It will help you develop the habit of consistent, fervent prayer for a godly relationship. It will have you praying for a godly man in ways that you've never even thought of. And most importantly of all, it will help you trust God more than you ever have with your future - whether it includes getting married or not. Get the Guide.