How to Be Content in Singleness without Giving Up Your Desire for Marriage

We've all heard the phrase a thousand times.

"Just be content in the season God has you in!"

But if you're anything like me, you find this phrase to be completely unhelpful. How are we supposed to to "just be content" when we have desires that threaten to gnaw a hole through our hearts? Is there a switch somewhere that we're supposed to click and...poof! We're suddenly content?

Being content in singleness doesn't mean you have to somehow get to a place where you no longer desire marriage. It means getting to a place where you desire God more than marriage, and therefore your desire for marriage doesn't control you anymore, even though it's still there.

How do you come to desire God more than marriage? By growing in your love for Him. By getting to know Him better through time reading His Word and talking to Him in prayer. You will desire God more as you more fully realize the depth of His love for you. When you start to grasp how staggeringly amazing it is that He saved you from an eternity in hell. And you will desire Him more when you fill your thoughts with Him rather than with the things of this world.

Contentment is acceptance of what God has given you, even if it's not what you prefer. This means opening your heart and saying, "Okay, Lord. I accept. If this is what you want me to have right now, I will take it and thank you for it." Contentment as a single woman is choosing to believe that God's plan for you is better than your plan for you.

Contentment is dying to your own plan, dreams and will, and receiving with gratitude what the Lord is doing or allowing in your life at this moment. This doesn't mean giving up on your dream of marriage, but giving it to God and asking Him to do with it what is best for you.

Every day we have opportunities to practice contentment: accepting what is given, and dying to our own will. Not only with our big dreams and deep desires, but also with the small things - the irritation at work, the schedule interruption, or the bad hair day. Every moment of our lives is an opportunity to accept and rest in contentment.

When God gives us a gift we don't want, we have two choices. We can choose to accept it, make peace with it, and acknowledge that God knows better than we do. The result of this acceptance will be a quiet, peaceful heart. Or, we can refuse to accept it, mulling over how much we dislike it, believing subconsciously that God doesn't know what's best, and therefore allowing discontent to fester until our hearts are ugly with bitterness, frustration and unrest.

Elisabeth Elliot had many hard things in life to accept: prolonged separation from the man she wanted to marry (without hope of ever marrying), the death of two husbands, and crippling illness, to name a few. Yet she lived contentedly, and here is what she said:

"Acceptance...that is the key to peace."

Amy Carmichael, a joyful and fruitful single missionary in India, said something similar:

"In acceptance lieth peace."

So, how do you be content in singleness without giving up your desire for marriage?

1. Grow in your love and knowledge of God until He truly is better to you than anything in this world.

2. Accept the gift He's already given you.

3. Then ask Him to give you the man and marriage you desire, if that is His best for you.

   
   

You see, the gift of singleness can be exchanged. You are allowed to seek the gift of marriage, pray for it, and put yourself in positions that will increase your opportunity for it. While God is sovereign over all, He has also given you a free will to make choices and to pursue good things. So as you live in acceptance of where He has you today, you can also be doing things that will increase your chances of getting married: meeting men, improving your appearance and communication skills, and praying fervently for God's direction and help in finding a godly man to marry.

Accept where you are while you take steps toward where you'd like to be, and all the while, stay surrendered to the Lord.

P.S. If you could use some help in balancing contentment with pursuit of marriage, check out my book and my course.