If you desire to be a happy single woman - one that is not in a constant state of misery, turmoil, envy and discouragement - there are ten things you should stop doing.
1.) Stop thinking that your life won't start getting good until you get married.
God has called the state of singleness good. Your feelings right now may not agree, but if you will renew your thinking and align your view of singleness with His view of it, you will be able to start seeing the blessings and being thankful for the good of singleness. "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I." 1 Corinthians 7:8
2.) Stop believing that your purpose is to get married and have kids.
Your purpose is to glorify God, to know God, and to make Him known. Both marriage and singleness are ways to do that. Some women will fulfill their purpose by being a help meet and raising children for the glory of God. And some women will fulfill their purpose by having their delight, attention and time dedicated to the Lord without distraction. Regardless of your marital status, you can live out your purpose.
3.) Stop believing that God doesn't love you since He hasn't brought you a husband.
The proof of God's love for you is not in whether He brings you a husband or not. The proof of God's love for you is in His sacrificial death for you. He laid down His life for you. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."John 15:13
4.) Stop wasting your time on things that won't matter in eternity.
Idleness will increase your hunger for the things you don't have. "...an idle soul shall suffer hunger." Proverbs 19:15
5.) Stop imagining that if you're single for life it will be horrible.
Instead imagine that if you are single in the future, you will be living an abundant life, joyously fulfilled in Christ, and serving Him in amazing ways that you could not if you were married.
6.) Stop allowing your mind to ruminate on the things you don't have.
Instead, ruminate on every little blessing you do have - from the clothes in your closet, to the sun streaming through the clouds on a Tuesday morning. Gratitude truly will turn what you have into enough. The more you thank God for His blessings to you, the more overwhelmed with joy you will feel because of the knowledge of His amazing love for you.
7.) Stop believing that you can't reproduce unless you get married.
Just because you're single doesn't mean you can't reproduce. In fact, you ought to have spiritual children that you are winning and discipling. Find someone to pour into and nurture in the Lord.
8.) Stop eating ultra-processed food, seed oils, and refined sugar.
The Christian life and mental battle is hard enough without adding these poisons to the enemies arsenal. They make it so much harder for your body to produce happy hormones. Many times I have felt depressed, discouraged, unsatisfied or moody and blamed it on my lack of a husband.... only to realize that it was directly related to my trashy diet. Once I started eating more protein, whole foods, and less sugar, my moods and mental state became so much happier.
9.) Stop feeding your flesh with spiritual junk food.
Discontentment and envy have strong appetites, and they love to feed on things that emphasize what you are longing for. If you want to starve these ugly beasts and find joy and peace in your life again, then it may be time to get a little more "radical" in your approach. It may be time to stop listening to love songs, watching romantic movies, or reading romantic novels. "...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1
Are there any of these that you have already stopped? If so, share with us in the comments what effect it brought about in your life.
Did some of these stick out to you as things that you need to cut from your life? If so, I would love to hear in the comments what those were and how you plan to stop.
Thank you for addressing these lies, that few people dare to speak out. I just thought of one more:
Stop dreading a life without love. As God is love your life will be full of love stories, as long as you let him take over. It‘s what God brought to me this morning when I felt deprived of the joy of experiencing love. Which is weird because I experience so many moments of love as I experience God.
Thank you for sharing the truths God has shown you in the Lord. I just bought your book :) I have been single for quite some time. God has shown me many of the truths you have also learned. My struggle has been on how I am treated in the community of believers as a single person and in the world. This is one I struggle with the most. I am viewed negatively since I never married and had no children. Because of this, it comes with exclusion often times. I find the church misses the mark on the truth about singleness. The older I get, the harder it is.
This is so good! Thank you so much for these ideas to combat the lies of singleness! 🤍