How to navigate the exhausting online dating cycle without getting burnt out

Trying to meet your spouse online can be a grueling endeavor. It’s like constantly having to fill out the same paperwork at a Doctor’s office - you’ve put your basic information down so many times, you desperately want to just get connected to the Doctor (or the guy!) and get your answers already. Every new match feels like sitting in a new waiting room with a new set of forms to fill out - new introductions, new small talk, new favorite movies, new “tell me about yourself” ... again and again. You really want to be in a relationship, but you’re so tired of going through this process so many times only to find out he wasn’t the one. Around 50% of couples meet their significant other through online dating, so you know it’s worth it... but how do you persevere without burning out or losing your marbles in the process?

1. Ask the deal-breaker questions right away.

   Don’t be afraid to bring up the hard and deal-breaking topics right away. If you don’t line up on the things that are most important to you, then there’s no need to spend time getting to know them further. Save both of you the time and mental investment.

   
   

2. Look at them as a friend, not a future husband (yet!)

   One of the things that makes dating tiresome is the emotional roller coaster. This is exacerbated by putting too much pressure on the relationship too soon. When you’re on a first date (or second or third of sixth), or chatting with a guy in the DMs - stop thinking about whether he your future husband! Look at him first as a new friend, not the man you’re going to spend your life with. Now obviously, the reason you're getting to know this man is to find out if he's the one you'll send your life with. But don't skip the friend phase. You'll freak yourself out, make things go too fast, or put too much pressure on the guy too soon. See him as a friend before you see him as your future husband.

   
   

3. Celebrate the "no's."

   Even though it’s disappointing and can feel defeating when a match doesn’t work out, focus on celebrating clarity. Every time something doesn’t work out, it’s a step closer to the right person, and it teaches you more about what you want and need. And girl, let me tell you, there are going to be a lot of “no’s,” so just learn to expect that and not let it bog you down when it feels like you’re having to sort through a haystack to find the needle.

   
   

4. Cast your cares, don't keep them.

   Sadly I often see ladies driving themselves crazy with anxiety as they get to know a guy or start dating. Sister, when we allow worry to control our minds and hearts and make us anxious, we aren’t trusting the Lord. Keep casting your cares on God and trusting Him to guide you into the right decision at the right time. Remember that times of uncertainty are opportunities to see Him work on your behalf!

   
   

5. Take breaks.

   Be in tune with yourself enough to know when it’s time to take a break from the apps or from dates. If scrolling feels more like a chore than a chance, and you catch yourself thinking, “What’s the point?”—it’s time to pause. If you’re obsessing over matches or feeling constantly distracted, take a break and regroup. If God feels distant, stop right away and reconnect with Him!

   
   

6. Keep Christ as the source of your joy and peace.

   If your peace depends on how the last conversation or date went, your heart will be constantly yanked around. Stay anchored by keeping your thoughts on the Lord! When an exciting new opportunity with a guy arrives on the scene, it can be tempting to let our time with God be the first thing in our routine that slides. If there was ever a time NOT to neglect your time with the Lord, it would be when getting to know a guy for a potential relationship!! If anything, be even more jealous of your time with God and make Him the priority above all.

   
   

7. Stay rooted in godly community.

   Dating in isolation is a setup for discouragement. Stay close to friends or a community that reminds you of what is true, keeps pointing you to Jesus, and prays for you along the way.

   
   

8. Have a vibrant life that you don't need an escape from.

   If you’re using dating or app-scrolling as a way to seek escape from the life you’re living, you will be disappointed. Create a life full of things you love, things that you keep you close to God and other people, things that bring you joy and give you a purpose. Find somewhere to serve. Take a course. Join a community trivia team. Build a beautiful life that you can add someone to, rather than looking to someone to give you a beautiful life.