What to do when you're starting to catch feelings for a guy

It can be simultaneously thrilling and terrifying when you feel yourself slipping into a crush. On one hand it can be a beautiful time of hopefulness, mystery and excitement as you wait to see what will unfold, but on the other hand, it can quickly become an unhealthy obsession that robs you of peace, takes control of your emotions, and distracts you from what truly matters. So what can you do to healthfully and successfully navigate new feelings for a guy? 

1.) Talk to God about everything.

Tell Him about what you’re feeling, what’s happening or not happening, and what you’re wishing for.

2.) Re-align your will with God’s will each day. Surrender to where He has you and re-commit to follow wherever He leads, whether that be into a relationship with this guy or not. 

3.) Stay grounded in reality. It’s tempting to step into Anne Shirley mode and lift off into the clouds of daydreams - fantasizing and thinking too far ahead. But this will cause you to become too attached too soon, build unrealistic expectations, and probably hurt your own feelings when things don’t unravel quite as you expected or hoped. 

4.) Keep reminding yourself of what’s true at any given moment. If he hasn’t explicitly told you he’s interested, don’t assume he wants to get into a relationship. If he hasn’t said he wants to marry you, don’t assume that he does.

5.) Don’t make him your source of joy.

It usually started for me about a week into an ongoing text conversation. Suddenly I would be constantly checking my phone - smiling and happy when there was a text, but disappointed and moody when there wasn’t. It’s so easy to allow the guy we’re crushing on to unknowingly become the puppet master of our emotions, tugging strings until our joy is dependent on the whim of his texts or attention. Keep your focus on the source of true joy: Jesus. 

6.) Don’t pause your life for him.

It’s so exciting when a crush enters our world, it can cause us to lose interest in every other part of our life. We start to live for the next dopamine hit: seeing him at church, seeing him post on social media, receiving his text, etc. Suddenly our prayer time seems expendable and we start to neglect God. We neglect friendships. As silly as it sounds, there were even times when I would not want to attend a church event or go to coffee with a friend because I was too consumed with thinking about, texting (or waiting for a text from) my crush. This is so unhealthy! Don’t let him overtake your life before it’s time.

7.) Trust God.

For some of us, the prospect of a significant other is terrifying. We want to make a wise decision in who we date. We’re scared of leading someone on. We don’t want to be out of God’s will for our life. We’re scared to fall for someone who isn’t right for us, or we’re scared that we’ll miss red flags. Crushes and relationships are a perfect boot camp for learning to trust God. As you explore feelings for a guy, take the opportunity to ask the Lord to help you trust Him. Trust Him to guide you, protect you and help you.

P.S. My devotional walks you through 60 days of praying and preparing for a godly relationship, guarding your heart, discerning a man's character, and lifting up the qualities you hope to find in a future husband... all while finding contentment and joy in your single season. Check it out!