Satan's Tactics for Single Women at Christmas Time - The Fretwick Chronicles

You're about read a letter from a demon named Honeyhook, as he writes to one of his tempters-in-training: Fretwick. In this letter he describes his strategy for making Christian single women miserable during the Christmas season, and I thought you might want to be informed of his tactics....

My Dear Fretwick,

It's December first, and you know what that means. It's the most disgusting time of the year. 

It makes me sick to think of all the joy, worship, family time, giving, and holy celebration we'll have to endure for the month…. ugh. I much prefer October. But, there is one benefit in the middle of all the ruckus about HIS birth (I can't stand to use any of His names, so I shall just refer to Him this way) - this is one of the easiest times of the year to make the unmarried women quite miserable. This assignment should be a breeze for you, Fretwick. Really, if you fail this one, I'm not sure you'll make it as a tempter. 

Here's your strategy: Make sure to shove romance in her face everywhere she turns. Get her discouraged that she doesn’t have a man yet. We want her believing (without realizing it, of course) that she needs a significant other to truly enjoy the holiday. She should always feel like she’s missing out.

Fill her schedule with so many events and obligations, she’s too burnt out to spend quiet time with God. That’ll help drive a wedge of bitterness between them and keep her exhausted, stressed and vaguely depressed.

Convince her that it’s okay to be gluttonous in the month of December. She has no control over sugar - keep her consuming loads of it and not moving her body much. She’ll feel rotten about herself by January.

Have her compare her life with everyone else’s. Make her think that the grass is greener and the holiday is merrier literally everywhere but in her own home and life. This will stop any thankfulness - and therefore, joy - immediately.

Hijack her music playlists. She should listen to mostly secular Christmas songs that deepen her hunger for romance and stir her problem with lust. There should be no praise or worship or anything that feeds the spirit and puts her mind on Jesus’ birth and sacrifice.

Oh, and for sin's sake, PLEASE keep her from inviting friends over, or taking cookies to neighbors, or inviting coworkers to church - anything that builds community, deepens connections, or spreads the gospel. Make her too worried about what people will think. That’s the best way to make her feel isolated and anxious.

These are simple enough tactics, but they should do the trick. Come the first week of January I expect your report, and it had better be glowing with descriptions of a woman far from HIM (you know Who I mean), very sad and listless, and like she's fallen into a hole she can't crawl out of. Hahaha. Yesss. Fills me with rapture to think of it!

Talk soon,

Honeyhook

P.S. Another very effective distraction is the Hallmark channel. I like to pull it out when she's feeling especially dissatisffied and hasn't prayed much that day. Puts the nails in the coffin every time.

If you could use some help keeping your mind and heart shielded from the attacks of the enemy this Christmas season, I have a free download for you! 25 Meditations on the Attributes of God.