How to Let a Guy Know You're Interested without Being too "Flirty"

A friend was telling me the story of how she almost put herself in the friend zone with her now fiance:

"Girl, I was SO into him, and I thought I was doing everything I could to show him that. But he told me later that he couldn't even tell if I liked him or not! He was ready to give up and assumed I just wasn't that that into him!"

"What changed?!" I asked her, curious to know how she finally got the message across.

"Well, one day I shared with him that guys in the past have told me I am intimidating, or they don't approach me at all. I asked him how I came across to him. What he said shocked me - he said that he didn't think I could tell when he was trying to flirt with me, because I wouldn't hold eye contact with him. I had never realized it before, but it was true! I could look at him in the eyes during a serious conversation, but to just hold eye contact for the sake of looking into his eyes...that was terrifying!"

My friend went on to describe how in her conservative upbringing, all forms of "flirting," even just intentional eye contact with someone you liked, was off limits. It may never have been expressly preached against, but it still felt wrong! And because she avoided her man's gaze when they were first getting to know each other, she almost put herself in the friend zone. Even though she was doing everything she thought she could to let him know how interested and attracted she was to him - asking questions, showing interest in his life, being a responsive listener - none of it said, "I'm interested in you romantically." For all he knew, she was just a good friend.

The conversation with him about eye contact made her realize that she had been in the habit of immediately shutting down any romantic feelings towards a man she was interested in. She had cut off those feelings for so long, it felt like a sin to let the natural result of healthy romantic interest express itself: through lingering eye contact. My friend had to learn to look into the eyes of the man she was falling for and not look away the moment she felt admiration and excitement well up in her heart for him. She had to rewire her thinking and realize that it was a good and beautiful thing. It didn't take long for her to learn. Soon her fiance laughingly told her, "Now I feel like I've never had anyone SO interested in me before!"

I wanted to share this story with you to hopefully make the word "flirting" a little less alarming, and to show you that it can be as simple as holding eye contact across a room or smiling into his eyes, even when the conversation goes silent. It doesn't have to look like the boy-crazy, desperate for attention, dressing-for-looks, Proverbs 7 type of woman who uses flattery as a second language and bats her eye lashes like she's dangling a worm in front of a fish. On the contrary, you can respectfully and graciously let someone know you're interested in them with as subtle and simple a thing as holding eye contact and smiling.

It's terrifying at first, don't get me wrong! You're putting yourself in a vulnerable position. You've probably heard the phrase "the eyes are the window to the soul." I believe there's truth in that. Staring into someone's eyes in an intentional act of admiration is like pulling back the heavy curtain of your soul and giving them a peak into the secret of your heart. You are revealing your interest and risking rejection in the process. But I know my friend would agree that it's worth it!

The beauty of eye contact is that it's not readily obvious to anyone else but you and the person you're "flirting" with. When you quietly catch his eye, or hold eye contact and smile from across the room, you aren't drawing attention to yourself. No one else in the room will see it. You won't be acting in a way that labels you a "flirt." Yet you will be helping the guy get the message, or at the very least helping him gather the courage to come and talk to you.

Let me know if you implement this and what results you have! I'm rooting for you, sisters!

P.S. I dive deeper into this topic in my devotional and my course! Definitely check out both if you could use some help learning to let a guy know you're interested!